Issue link: https://www.cominghomemag.com/i/1048619
The other day, I was at the store buying fall decorations when I passed by Thanksgiving place cards and napkins. I quickly added them to my cart while beaming with self-congratulatory elation at the thought of how far ahead of the game I was for my upcoming family holiday dinner. Then, the other thoughts flooded in — the turkey feast, the guest list, the cleaning, and the laundry list of much-needed preparations made my elation quickly transform to dread. I haven't hosted Thanksgiving in a while, and I realized that my family and extended family would be together (yay!) all day (hmmm). Plus, when my neighbors told me that they would be spending Thanksgiving alone, I invited them to join our motley crew, of course. This act of kindness will probably be met with a territorial "but they aren't in OUR family" from the traditionalists in my bunch. I would have to navigate this obstacle, with kindness of course, but I began to think that maybe this whole "being inclusive" thing wasn't such a great idea after all. The tension in my neck started telling me I was stressed. Then I thought about table arrangements - who would sit next to whom? Aha! That's what the place cards are for — I'm on top of this holiday dinner thing after all. My parents were easy — they're just happy to be alive and in good health. The aunts and uncles could be close to them, but they will want their kids and young adults close by. I do know that when the cousins are sitting together, they will start talking about the Ohio State – Michigan game that will be played in Columbus that weekend. But, that's a safe topic since my family doesn't come from that "state up north." However, as soon as dinner is served, our company will have had a few adult beverages, which means tongues and challenges will be the final course being served at my house — current politics, pop culture, who really took mom's brooch that winter of 1986? I'll try to retreat to the kitchen to busy myself with culinary duties, while whispering to my children, "Can we be Switzerland?" All of these thoughts brought on by a beautiful set of place cards and napkins and it wasn't even October! Holidays are supposed to be the time to relax and have fun, but stress levels are high during the holiday season for almost everyone. My background in psychology doesn't make me immune to the stress that comes with the holidays. It does, however, mean that I have learned and seen firsthand the best ways to manage the stress when it shows up. Here are the most common holiday stressors and some strategies I share with my clients to help manage them. I BEGAN TO THINK THAT MAYBE THIS WHOLE "BEING INCLUSIVE" THING WASN'T SUCH A GREAT IDEA AFTER ALL. MONEY. If you have a big family or a lot of people to shop for, money can get tight around the holidays. To ease this, I suggest you create a budget. Holiday spending shouldn't stress you out or break your bank account - it's not the size of the gift that matters, but the thought behind it. Consider buying small, meaningful presents for people, spending time with them, or gifting something homemade. TIME. With parties and visiting friends and families, it can be hard to manage your time around the holidays. If you start to feel overwhelmed, set up your intentions - what are your priorities this season? Is it visiting with family? Friends? Volunteering? Attending special events? Focusing on the spiritual aspects? Prioritize what you really want to do and then set limits - people will understand that you can't do it all. OVERWHELM. If all the general holiday commotion is overwhelming, build in islands of respite to get some peace. Take a 15-minute walk, do some deep breathing, read a book and don't let go of your healthy habits like getting good sleep, eating healthy things and going to that yoga class. GRIEF. If the holidays are sad due to a loss of a loved one or a difficult family situation, acknowledge those feelings and realize the holidays don't have to be perfect. You can always set a time limit with challenging family or friend situations - maybe only go for an hour or two or just for dessert. Although you may want to, it's important that you don't isolate yourself completely. Seek out things you enjoy about the season and concentrate on that. I have found that volunteering is always a good way to get the focus off yourself and ease negative feelings. What's Your Stressor? Need a meditation app? Try Headspace. There's a free 10-day beginner's course that guides you through the essentials of meditation and mindfulness. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sharon Saia, MSW, LISW-S, is the Director of the Employee Assistance Program and Behavioral Health at the Ohio State University. Sharon has had 30 years of experience in a wide array of mental health settings. Before coming to Ohio State, Sharon worked as a therapist for 10 years at Central Ohio Behavioral Medicine, a private practice, providing services to individuals impacted by trauma, chronic illness, and mental illness. Sharon serves on the Board of several organizations, enjoys her family, reading and travel. 14 GIFTING AND GUEST LISTS and grief, oh my! Strategies to Manage Seasonal Stress